Train Jokes and Puns

What is the difference between a school teacher and a steam locomotive? The school teacher tells you to spit out your gum, while the locomotive says “Choo Choo Choo!” 

Why is the track gauge 4′ 8-1/2″ wide? Because it is the mean distance between the neck and ankles of damsels in distress.

What’s the difference between a teacher and a train guard? One trains the mind, the other minds the train.

Why did the geared locomotives never marry? They were the only ones never coupled

Why was the Model Railroader tossed out of the party? He spiked the punch.

Why is that train engine humming? It doesn’t know the words.

If an electric train is heading north, which way would the steam be coming out? There wouldn’t be any. It’s an electric train.

Why don’t elephants like to ride on trains? Because they hate leaving their trunks in the baggage car.

What happened to the man that took the 5 o’clock train home? He had to give it back!

What do you give a train driver for Christmas? Platform shoes!

How do locomotives hear? Through the engineers!

What kind of a car does a crazy man drive? A LOCOmotive.