Squirrel Jokes and Puns

What do you get when you cross a spider and a squirrel? A bug that will run up your leg and eat your nuts. 

What do you call an animal that solves crimes? Squirrel-lock Holmes. 

How do you catch an Irish squirrel? Climb a tree and act like a green pistachio nut. 

How do you catch a carpenter squirrel (definition: a squirrel that likes power tools)? Go to Home Depot and pretend to be nut-wood. 

What did the bird say to the racing squirrel? You walnut beat that! 

Why couldn’t the squirrel eat the macadamia nut? It was one tough nut to crack. 

A policeman caught a nasty little boy with a bb gun in one hand and a squirrel in the other. “Now Listen here,” the policeman said, “Whatever you do to that poor, defenseless creature I shall personally do to you” “In that case,” said the boy. “I’ll kiss it’s butt and let it go” 

How do you catch a rich squirrel? Climb a tree and act like a cashew. 

How do you catch an English Squirrel? Climb a tree and act like nutty.

How do you catch a European Squirrel? Climb a tree and act like a metric nut. 

How do you catch a squirrel for the holidays? Climb a tree and act like nutmeg. 

How do you catch a Polynesian squirrel? Climb a tree and act like a coconut.