Snail Jokes and Puns

Why did the shy snail drink?
To come out of his shell!’
Why did the other snail drink?
Because he was an alcoholic!’

What happens when two snails get into a fight? They slug it out!

What was the snail doing on the highway? About one mile a day!

A snail walks into a bank to make a deposit. Then a turtle comes in and robs the bank. Afterward, the police are interviewing the snail and asks him to recount what had happened. The snail says, “I don’t know, it all happened so fast.”

A man goes to a Halloween party with a woman on his back.
The host asks him, “And what are you?”
The man says, “I’m a snail.”
The host says, “And who’s that on your back?”
And the man says, “That’s Michelle!”

What happened when Turbo lost his shell? He began to feel sluggish.

How do you know your kitchen floor is dirty? The slugs leave a trail on the floor that reads “clean me”!

What did the snail say to his ex wife?
‘I’M STILL LEAVING YOU!’

Where do you find Giant snails?
On the end of Giant’s fingers!

What is a slug?
A snail with a housing problem.

What’s the difference between a politician and a snail?
One is slimy, a pest and leaves a trail everywhere, and the other is a snail.

A snail goes to a Cadillac dealership and buys a new car.
But when he buys it he has specific instructions for the dealer.
“I want you to give it a paint job” says the snail. “Sure, what colour?” says the dealer. “I want you to paint a big red S on the hood, the doors, the roof and the trunk.” instructs the snail.
“Sure thing,” says the dealer, “but can I ask why?” The snail looks at him and explains: ” So when I go driving up and down the strip all the people watching me say “Look at that S Car Go!!!