Restaurant Jokes and Puns

How many McDonald’s counter girls does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One to change it and one to put some chips with it.

Julius Cesar walks up to the bartender and says “Give me a martinus” the bartender says “you mean a martini” Cesar says “listen if I wanted two I would have asked for two!”

First Man: “Waiter, bring me a cup of tea!” Second Man: “Bring me a cup of tea, too, and be sure the cup is clean.”
Waiter, bringing the tea: “Two cups of tea! And which of you ordered the clean cup?”

Sign at restaurant reads:
Eat here diet home

A German walk up to the bartender and says “Two martinis mein Herr” the bartender says “Dry?”
The German says “Nein, I only want two!”

“Waiter, there is a fly in the butter!”
“Yes sir, it’s a butterfly!”

Did you hear about the new restaurant on the moon? Great food but no atmosphere.

Two girls: “A tray of sushi, please.” Waiter:
“To eat or to post photos of on Instagram?

A customer was bothering the waiter in a restaurant. First, he asked that the air conditioning be turned up because he was too hot, then he asked it be turned down cause he was too cold, and so on for about half an hour. Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient, he walked back and forth and never once got angry. So finally, a second customer asked him why he didn’t throw out the pest. “Oh, I really don’t care or mind,” said the waiter with a smile. “We don’t even have an air conditioner.”

Guy in a library walks up to the librarian and says, “I’ll have a cheeseburger and fries, please.” Librarian responds, “Sir, you know you’re in a library, right?” Guy says, “Oh, sorry. [in a whisper] I’ll have a cheeseburger and fries, please.”

A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter dead. As the panda stands up to go, the manager shouts, “Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn’t pay for your sandwich!” The panda yells back at the manager, “Hey man, I m a PANDA! Look it up!” The manager opens his dictionary and sees the following definition for panda: “A tree dwelling marsupial of Asian origin, characterized by distinct black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves.”

An American tourist was lunching in a restaurant in China where the specialty was duck. The waiter explained each dish as he brought it to the table. “This is the breast of the duck; this the leg of the duck; this is the wing of the duck; etc.” Then came the dish that the American knew was chicken. He waited for the explanation. Silence. “Well?” he finally asked, “What’s this?” The waiter replied, “It’s a friend of duck.”