Onion Jokes and Puns

What can you make from baked beans and onions? Tear gas.

Why does Mr. Potato Head have a mobile? In case Mr. Onion Rings.

After a minor mathematical error on a routine report, a worker’s boss tried to belittle him in front of his peers. Angrily she asked, “If you had 4 onions and I asked for one, how many would you have left?” Quickly he replied, “If it was you who asked, I’d still have 4 onions.”

A guy walks into the doctor’s office. A banana stuck in one of his ears, an onion in the other ear, and a carrot stuck in one nostril. The man says, “Doc, this is terrible. What’s wrong with me?” The doctor says, “Well, first of all, you need to eat more sensibly.”

Q: Where did the onion go to have a few drinks? A: The Salad Bar!

What’s the difference between a viola and an onion?
No one cries when you cut up a viola.

Q: What can you make from onions and beans?
A: Tear gas.

One day two onions, who were best friends, were walking together down the street. They stepped off the curb and a speeding car came around the corner and ran one of them over. The uninjured onion called 911 and helped his injured friend as best he was able. The injured onion was taken to emergency at the hospital and rushed into surgery. After a long and agonizing wait, the doctor finally appeared. He told the uninjured onion, “I have good news, and I have bad news. The good news is that your friend is going to pull through.” “The bad news is that he’s going to be a vegetable for the rest of his life”.