One Liner Jokes and Puns

Any married man should forget his mistakes, there’s no use in two people remembering the same thing.

Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.

I needed a password eight characters long so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.

When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90 % of their body… men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.

You’re not fat, you’re just… easier to see.

I’m great at multitasking. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.

Alcohol is a perfect solvent: It dissolves marriages, families, and careers.

If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea … does that mean that one enjoys it?

At every party there are two kinds of people: those who want to go home and those who don’t. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other.

Only a genius can say these four words out loud four times without stuttering:
Eye, Yam, Stew, Peed.
Congratulations, you are now a genius.

My girlfriend told me she was leaving me because I keep pretending to be a Transformer. I said, “No, wait! I can change.”

Alcohol is a perfect solvent: It dissolves marriages, families and careers.