Nigerian Money Joke

Nigerian Money Joke

Akpos asks a lawyer for advice: Akpos: Mister Black, please help me. My neighbour won’t give my money back, and I really need them. Lawyer: No problem. Just provide the evidence he actually took that money. Akpos: But I have no evidence. Lawyer: That’s no problem. How much does he owe you? Akpos: $600. Lawyer: Then just text him and ask him to pay you your $2000 back. Akpos: Bu he only owes me $600. Lawyer: That’s what he will answer, and you will get evidence.

Funny Nigerian Joke

Funny Nigerian Joke

UCHE: Mommy, can I go to Chidera’s house?
MOMMY: No!
UCHE: Why?
MOMMY: No fuel.
UCHE: Ahn ahn! I’m using my legs.
MOMMY: If you get missing, is it not a car we are going to use to find you?

Nigerian University Joke

Nigerian University Joke

Akpos the lecturer in Gwagalada, University of Abuja decided to give his students a test. He asked them to write the answers as he read out the questions. Instructions says: Canceling answers not allowed) Akpors the Lecturer: Questi on 1: What’s your favorite food? [10 mrks] Female students were writing, Pizza, fried rice, Hamburger, ice cream, sharwama and all sorts of Chinese cuisine….. Lecturer Akpors: Question 2: How do you prepare the food? [50 marks] Huh!! immediately, the female students started cancelling and changing the foods to, beans, cocoyam, & abacha, bolee and porridge yam, indomine, white rice with no soup!!

Nigerian Couple Joke

Nigerian Couple Joke

A newly married Nigerian couple brought a female house help from the village to assist in keeping their home tidy, so they would have time for their careers and other more important things. One day, Oga decided to give his wife a surprise package. He moulded a big heart (to represent love) with the assistance of the house help, a project which took almost the whole day. Madam came back to meet the house help sleeping and snoring: MADAM: Will you get up now! Stupid girl! What have you been doing since morning? HOUSE HELP: Madam welcome. No vex abeg. Me and Oga dey make love since morning. Na just now now we finish he say make I lie down small. The house help is now on admission at the Lagos Hospital.

Nigerian School Joke

Nigerian School Joke

Akpos came from school looking confused. His mother asks him: Mother. Why is it that you seem puzzled? Was there anything wrong with your paper today? Akpos: Yes, mum. The teacher asked what the past form of the word “think” was. I could not remember it, so I spent much time on it. I thought and thought, and decided that the right answer was “thinked.”

Nigerian Stammerer Joke

Nigerian Stammerer Joke

One day, a man who is a chronic stammerer, was looking for a particular street in lagos and could not find it so he decided to walk up to a brick layer and ask him for directions and he started asking: Peee peee please ay ay ay ay am loo oo loooo loooking for iiiiikorodu ro ro road. The bricklayer replied to the stammerer: Jus jus just fofo fo follow the the nes nes 2 2 streeet and and turn right thats ikorodu ikorodu road! The stammerer got angry and gave the bricklayer a hot slap shouting are are u joking joking with me? The bricklayer surprised , replied : No I am a stammerer like you!!!!

Nigerian Police Joke

Nigerian Police Joke

“There was a robbery at Akpos’ neighbour’s house and he called 199. Next thing he heard was: Welcome to Nigeria Police Emergency Center, for English press 1, for Igbo press 2, for Yoruba press 3, for Hausa press 4, Akpos pressed 1, and another voice came u.. For car accident press 1, for armed robbery press 2, for Boko Haram please hang up…. He pressed 2, and another voice came up…. If they’re with knives press 1, pistols press 2, AK47 press 3, machine guns press 4, bombs press 5, all of the above press 6… Akpos checked and saw that the armed robbers were with all of them, so he pressed 6… then a voice came up saying…. “Hmmmm…! My friend, if your brother is a policeman, will you let him go?”

Nigerian Mosque Joke

Nigerian Mosque Joke

A man entered a mosque carrying a brand new smooth machette and asked “Who is a muslim here?” The whole mosque went as silent as a grave yard. The man asked again, “How can a full mosque have no muslim?”. No one replied. The man then grabs the nearby young man and goes out with him and tells him, “son come help me slaughter my goat for I don’t know how to do it”. After the young man had slaughtered the goat, he tells the man that he doesn’t know how to skin it and that the man would have to go back to the mosque and get someone else to help him on that. The man returns to the mosque with a machete dripping with blood. When the Imam saw this, he immediately shouts “Praise the Looooooooord! The whole mosque responds,”halleluyaaaah!!!”

Nigerian Robbery Joke

Nigerian Robbery Joke

Akpos went to rob a city bank. “Everybody down!” Akpos shouted. Everyone laid flat on the ground. “Where is the bank manager?” He asked. A young, scared man stood up and said, “Here I am.” Akpos: Open the safe and bring out all d money. MANAGER: (stammering) No, I can’t sir. Akpos; What?! Are you crazy?! You are lucky I’m with a toy gun, I would have blown your brains off!… Akpos is currently receiving treatment at the prison hospital.

Nigerian Criminal Joke

Nigerian Criminal Joke

Three criminals are in the court for getting their punishment. The judge says: I will give it corresponding to the number of things you have stolen. The first man received just a year for a can of sardine. The second one got 30 years for taking a tray of eggs. Akpos appeared to be the least lucky, as he took a bag of rice…

Nigerian Pidgin Joke

Nigerian Pidgin Joke

A professor drove into a petrol station in his sleek state of the art range rover sports to buy fuel. Professor: Guy abeg, give me full tank. Fuel Attendant: Sir, I don’t speak pidgin. I only speak English. Professor: Ok! Good morning. I currently feel a profound desire to replenish the propelling of my motorized automobile. Therefore I
cordially request you to transfer from your subterranean reservoir a sufficient quantity of the combustible fluid of the highest octane rating to fill the appropriate receptacle of the said means of perambulation to the brim.
Fuel Attendant: Oga na play I dey play o, how much fuel you wan?

Nigerian Akpos Joke

Nigerian Akpos Joke

Akpos comes home and tells his father: I have got the highest points at school today! The father was very happy and spent all his money to celebrate it. But when they came home the dad saw the real marks of his son. What does it supposed to mean?! April Fool’s Day!

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