Kids Jokes and Puns

The sergeant-major growled at the young soldier, “I didn’t see you at camouflage training this morning.” “Thank you very much, sir.”

Q: Why did the can crusher quit his job?
A: Because it was soda pressing.

Teacher: “Kids, what does the chicken give you?”
Student: “Meat!”
Teacher: “Very good! Now what does the pig give you?”
Student: “Bacon!”
Teacher: “Great! And what does the fat cow give you?”
Student: “Homework!”

Q: What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A: A gummy bear.

How do you make a tissue dance?
You put a little boogie in it.

Teacher: “You know you can’t sleep in my class.” Boy: “I know. But maybe if you were just a little quieter, I could.”

A young boy came home from school and told his mother, “I had a big fight with my classmate. He called me a sissy.” The mother asked, “What did you do?” The boy replied, “I hit him with my purse!”

A man in a hurry taking his eight-year-old son to school made a turn at a red light where it was prohibited. “Uh-oh, I think I just made an illegal turn!” the man said. “It’s okay, Dad,” the boy said, “The police car right behind us did the same thing.”

What has 8 arms and 8 legs? Eight pirates!

What does a pirate do after he eats?

He Farrrrrrrrrrrrts and Burrrrrrrrrrrrrrrps!

When an employment application asks who is to be notified in case of emergency, I always write, “A very good doctor”.

A teenage blonde girl had been talking on the phone for about half an hour, and then she hung up.
“Wow!” said her father, “That was short. You usually talk for two hours. What happened?”
“Wrong number,” replied the girl.