Food Jokes and Puns

Q: Why wasn’t Jesus born in Ireland? A: He couldn’t find 3 wise men or a virgin.

A man kills a deer and takes it home to cook for dinner. Both he and his wife decide that they won’t tell the kids what kind of meat it is, but will give them a clue and let them guess. The dad said, “Well it’s what Mommy calls me sometimes.” The little girl screamed to her brother, “Don’t eat it. Its an asshole!

What does a pirate do after he eats?

He Farrrrrrrrrrrrts and Burrrrrrrrrrrrrrrps!

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

Q: What do you call a sad coffee?
A: Depresso.

Q: What did the Egg say to the boiling water? A: It’s going to take a while to get me hard I just got laid by some chick!

A man visits his aunt in the nursing home. It turns out that she is taking a nap, so he just sits down in a chair in her room, flips through a few magazines, and munches on some peanuts sitting in a bowl on the table.
Eventually, the aunt wakes up, and her nephew realizes he’s absentmindedly finished the entire bowl. “I’m so sorry, auntie, I’ve eaten all of your peanuts!”
“That’s okay, dearie,” the aunt replied. “After I’ve sucked the chocolate off, I don’t care for them anyway.”

Q: Waiter, this food tastes kind of funny?
A: Then why aren’t you laughing!

Q: Why did the students eat their homework?
A: Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.

Q: How do you make a gold soup?
A: You put 24 carrots in it

Waiter: “Do you want any dessert?”
Teddy Bear: “No Thanks. I’m stuffed!”

Q: How do you turn white chocolate into dark chocolate?
A: Turn off the light.