Family Jokes and Puns

I went to my sister’s house and saw her packing a suitcase. I asked, “What’s going on?” She said, “I’m feeling homesick.” I suggested, “But you’re at your home now.” She replied, “I know. I’m sick of it!”

One day Jimmy got home early from school and his mom asked, “Why are you home so early?” He answered, “Because I was the only one that answered a question in my class.” She said, “Wow, my son is a genius. What was the question?” Jimmy replied, “The question was ‘Who threw the trash can at the principal’s head?'”

A mom texts, “Hi! Son, what does IDK, LY, & TTYL mean?” He texts back, “I Don’t Know, Love You, & Talk To You Later.” The mom texts him, “It’s ok, don’t worry about it. I’ll ask your sister, love you too.”

A man kills a deer and takes it home to cook for dinner. Both he and his wife decide that they won’t tell the kids what kind of meat it is, but will give them a clue and let them guess. The dad said, “Well it’s what Mommy calls me sometimes.” The little girl screamed to her brother, “Don’t eat it. Its an asshole!

A mother went to pick up her daughter from elementary school and found her doing handstands against the wall. When they got into the car, the mother said, “Darling, I wish you wouldn’t do that because the boys can see your panties.” “Okay, mommy,” the little girl replied. The next day, the mother noticed her little girls’ hands looked dirty, so she asked, “You haven’t been doing handstands again and letting those boys see your panties, have you?” “Oh no, mummy,” the daughter replied. “Honestly! I took them off first.”

Son: “Dad, when will I be old enough so I don’t have to ask mom for her permission to go out?”
Dad: “Son, even I haven’t grown old enough to go out without her permission!”

A married couple in their 60’s are visited by a fairy who grants them both a wish.
‘I want to travel around the world with my darling husband’, says the wife … 2 tickets for a luxury cruise magically appear in her hand!

Husband says ‘sorry love, my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me …’ So the fairy waves her wand and the husband becomes 92 !

An English man, Irish man, Scotch man are in a desert, they got captured by the Germans. The Germans say, I will give you one thing before you die. The Englishman man say water, the Scotch man say whiskey, the Irish man says a car door. The Germans say, why do you want a car door. The Irish man says, because when it gets hot, it can wind down the window.

A teacher asks, “What’s the difference between a problem and a challenge?” A student responds, “3 boys + 1 girl = problem. 1 boy + 3 girls = challenge.”

A married couple, Harry, and Esther are out shopping one morning when Esther says, “Darling, it’s my mother’s birthday tomorrow. What shall we buy for her? She said she would like something electric.” Harry replies, “How about a chair?”

For his birthday, I gave my son an iPhone.
My daughter received an iPod for her’s, and for my birthday, I was pleased to receive an iPad.
Thinking along the same lines, I got my wife an iRon, and that’s when the fight started…

A young boy came home from school and told his mother, “I had a big fight with my classmate. He called me a sissy.” The mother asked, “What did you do?” The boy replied, “I hit him with my purse!”