Cat Jokes and Puns

What is cleverer than a talking cat?
A spelling bee!

Where does a cat go when it loses its tail?
The retail store.

A teacher asked, why is your cat with u in school? A kid says (crying), “I heard daddy tell mommy, I’m eating that p*ssy when the kids leave!”

Q. There were four cats in a boat, one jumped out. How many were left?
A. None. They were all copy cats!

Q: What is it called when a cat wins a dog show? A: A CAT-HAS-TROPHY!

They make cat food out of cow, fish, turkey, chicken & lamb meat—but not mouse meat, which is probably all cats want.

A man absolutely hated his wife’s cat and decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park. As he arrived home, the cat was walking up the driveway.

The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away. He put the beast out and headed home. Driving back up his driveway, there was the cat!

He kept taking the cat further and further, but the cat would always beat him home. At last, he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right until he reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home and left the cat there.

Hours later the man calls home to his wife: “Jen, is the cat there?”

“Yes”, the wife answers, “why do you ask?”

“I’m lost,” says the man, “and I need the cat to give me directions home.”

Why is it a bad idea to play poker with a jungle cat?

Chances are it is a cheetah.

My boyfriend came over, saw my litter box, and smugly said, “Oh, have you got a cat?” He wasn’t so smug when I told him, “No, it’s for company!”

A cow says to a small kitten, “Look at you, so small and already such long facial hear.”

The kitten cooly replies, “Yeah, look at you, so big but still no bra.”

Q: What’s the first thing a cat does in the morning?
A: It wakes up.

Q. How do you know when your cat’s done cleaning herself? A. She’s smoking a cigarette.