Card Game Jokes and Puns

Q: What did the dealer say to the deck of cards?
A: “I can’t deal with you anymore.”

Q: What’s the difference between prayer in church and prayer in a casino?
A: In a casino, you really mean it!

Q: What’s the difference between poker players and politicians?
A: Poker players sometimes tell the truth.

There are TWO basic rules for winning in poker:
1. Never tell anyone anything.

A man walked by a table in a hotel and noticed three men and a dog playing cards.
The dog was playing with extraordinary performance.
“This is a very smart dog,” the man commented.
“Not so smart,” said one of the players.
“Every time he gets a good hand he wags his tail.”

Two dog owners were bragging about the intelligence of their pets. “The brightest dog I ever had,” said one, “was a Great Dane that could play cards. He was a whiz at poker, but I had him put to sleep.” “You had him put to sleep, a bright dog like that? A dog like that would be worth a million dollars.” “Had to,” he replied, “Caught him using marked cards!”

A doctor answers his phone and hears the familiar voice of a colleague on the other end of the line. “We need a fourth for poker,” said the friend. “I’ll be right over,” whispered the doctor. As he was putting on his coat, his wife asked, “Is it serious?” “Oh yes, quite serious,” said the doctor gravely. “In fact, there are three doctors there already!”

What is Bill Clinton’s favorite game?
Poke-her.

Girls are like blackjack, I’m trying to go for 21 but I always hit on 16.

Why didn’t the elephant like to play card games in the jungle?
Because there are too many cheetahs.

Life with Men is like Bridge
You need a Heart to love them;
A Diamond to marry them;
A Club to beat them;
And a Spade to bury them.

What is the biggest difference between a church and a poker room? In a poker room, you really mean it when you pray!!