Beer Jokes

Woman “So do you drink?” Man – “I used to drink a lot, but I quit cold turkey. Woman – “Wow, that must take a lot of self-control.” Man – “Well I found out I was allergic to it, every time I drank I broke out in handcuffs.”

Five year old Little Johnny was lost, so he went up to a policeman and said, “I’ve lost my dad!” The policeman said, “What’s he like?” Little Johnny replied, “Beer and women!”

What not to say to a cop:
I can’t reach my license and registration unless you hold my beer.

A tandem rider is stopped by a police car. “What’ve I done, officer?” asks the rider. “Perhaps you didn’t notice sir, but your wife fell off your bike half a mile back . . .” “Oh, thank God for that,” says the rider –
“I thought I’d gone deaf!

Q: What is a man’s idea of a balanced diet?
A: A beer in each hand!

What do men and beer bottles have in common?
They are both empty from the neck up!

Chuck Norris walks into a bar… the beer starts to run.

Why are Men like coolers?
Load them with Bud Light, and you can take them anywhere

My body is not a temple…..it’s a microbrewery with legs.

Q: What did the man with a slab of asphalt under his arm order?
A: “A beer please, and one for the road.”

How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.

How does a man show that he is planning for the future?
He buys two cases of beer.