I was interrogated over the theft of a cheese toastie. Man, they really grilled me.

Why didn’t the astronaut come home to his wife? He needed his space.

You heard the rumor going around about butter? Nevermind, I shouldn’t spread it.

What do you call a person in a tree with a briefcase? A branch manager!

Did you hear about the circus fire? It was in tents!

Ever tried to eat a clock? It’s time-consuming.

Why don’t crabs donate? Because they’re shellfish.

What do you call a man who can’t stand? Neil.

What’s large, grey, and doesn’t matter? An irrelephant.

What do you call a fish with no eye? Fsh!

Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.

Did you hear about the Italian Chef that died? He pasta way.