army jokes - 9

Army Jokes – 9

Judge: Please identify yourself for the record.
Defendant: Colonel Ebenezer Jackson.
Judge: What does the “Colonel” stand for?
Defendant: Well, it’s kind of like the “Honorable” in front of your name. Not a damn thing.

army jokes - 8

Army Jokes – 8

Having just moved into his new office, a pompous, new colonel was sitting at his desk when a new army recruit knocked on the door. Conscious of his new position, the army colonel quickly picked up the phone, told the new army recruit to enter, then said into the phone, “Yes, General, I’ll be seeing him this afternoon and I’ll pass along your message. In the meantime, thank you for your good wishes, sir.”

Feeling as though he had sufficiently impressed the young enlisted man, he asked, “What do you want?” “Nothing important, sir,” the new army recruit replied, “I’m just here to hook up your telephone.”

army jokes - 3

Army Jokes – 3

The sergeant-major in the army growled at the young soldier, “I didn’t see you at camouflage training this morning.” “Thank you very much, sir.”

Army Basic Training Joke

Army Basic Training Joke

Recruits got a shock when their Army basic-training instructor turned out to be an attractive female sergeant.
Her assistant, however, was a burly, hawk-nosed veteran whose glare could freeze water. At the end of training, the attractive instructor congratulated the recruits and said that if there was anything she could do for us, just ask.
From the back, a voice called out, “How about a kiss from the sergeant?” “Sure,” she replied, raising her hand to quell the laughter. “But I’ll let my assistant take care of it!”

Silly Army Joke

Silly Army Joke

First soldier: “Pass me the chocolate pudding, would you?” Second soldier: “No way, Jose!” First soldier: “Why ever not?” Second soldier: “It’s against regulations to help another soldier to dessert!”

army jokes - 4

Army Jokes – 4

An army drill sergeant had just chewed out one of his cadets, and as he was walking away, he turned to the cadet and said, “I guess when I die you’ll come and dance on my grave.” The cadet replied, “Not me, Sarge…no sir! I promised myself that when I got out of the Army I’d never stand in another line!”

army jokes - 2

Army Jokes – 2

An Army Sergeant was addressing a squad of 25 and said: “I have a nice easy job for the laziest man here. Put up your hand if you are the laziest.” 24 men raised their hands, and the sergeant asked the other man “why didn’t you raise your hand?” The man replied: “Too much trouble raising the hand, Sarge.”

army jokes - 1

army jokes – 1

How many guns do the US need to combat an enemy?
Two: one to shoot and one to sell him to shoot back.

Army Officer Jokes

Army Officer Jokes

How Many American Officers Does It Take to Screw in a Light Bulb? Only one, but they do it from 30 miles away using laser targeting at a cost of $8.3 million.

Army Private Joke

Army Private Joke

A private asks a sergeant: Is it true that man descended from a monkey? Yes, privates possibly were. But not sergeants.

Army Drill Sargent Joke

Army Drill Sargent Joke

One of my husband’s duties as a novice drill instructor at Fort Jackson, S.C., was to escort new recruits to the mess hall. After everyone had made it through the chow line, he sat them down and told them. “There are three rules in this mess hall: Shut up! Eat up! Get up!” Checking to see that he had everyone’s attention, he asked, “What is the first rule?” Much to the amusement of the other instructors, 60 privates yelled in unison, “Shut up, Drill Sergeant!”

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