Airplane Jokes and Puns

In 1945 Chuck Norris drank a Redbull and jumped out a plane.
For image results, Google the word Hiroshima.

When Chuck Norris was 5 he threw a paper airplane. It landed yesterday.

Pilot: Have you ever flown in a small plane before? Passenger: No, I have not. Pilot: Well, here is some chewing gum. It will help to keep your ears from popping. Pilot (after the plane landed): Did the gum help? Passenger: Yep. It worked fine. The only trouble is I can’t get the gum out of my ears.

It was mealtime during an airline flight. ‘Would you like dinner?’ the flight attendant asked John, seated in front. ‘What are my choices?’ Greg asked. ‘Yes or no,’ she replied.

Why didn’t the blonde want a window seat on the plane? She’d just blow dried her hair and she didn’t want it blown around too much.

A nervous passenger decided to purchase flight insurance at the ticket counter. She had some time before the flights departure, so she stopped in a Chinese restaurant in the concourse. She started to shake as she read her fortune cookie: “today’s investment will pay big dividends!”

The first-time flier was very nervous as he buckled his seat belt before takeoff. He turned to the woman in the next seat and asked, “About how often do jetliners like this crash?” She thought a moment and replied, “Usually, just once.”

When Chuck Norris goes through airport security he makes them take their shoes off.

A man parachuted out of an airplane and his chute did not open. As he headed for almost certain death, he saw a man coming up toward him through the air from the ground. As the man zoomed by, the man headed down asked, “Do you know anything about parachutes?” The man replied in passing, “No, you know anything about gas stoves?”

An airliner was having engine trouble, and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats and get prepared for an emergency landing. A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready. “All set back here, Captain,” came the reply, “except the lawyers are still going around passing out business cards.”

Why do they have frosted glass on airplane toilet windows?
Who’s going to look in at thirty thousand feet!

A passenger was having difficulty lugging his oversized travel bag onto the plain. Helped by a flight attendant, he finally managed to stuff it in the overhead bin. “Do you always carry such heavy luggage? She asked, winded. “Never again!” the man said. “Next time, I’m riding in the bag, and my friend can buy the ticket!”